Understanding Love Before You Fall In Love Interview With Tony Gaskins
- Sophia Andrew
- Aug 16, 2016
- 4 min read
Tony Gaskins is a motivational speaker, author and life coach. Having appeared on The Oprah Winfrey Show and The Tyra Banks show. Mr. Gaskins is a author of several books and a professional life coach by day, coaching people from all walks of life all around the globe. He is also a TV & film producer on the rise, ghostwriter and an author/business/social media consultant.
We had the pleasure of interview Mr. Gaskins about relationship questions that some of us face each and everyday. Check out the interview below.
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1. If someone ask who is Tony Gaskins what would you tell them?
A. I'm just a servant. I'm someone who turned my mess into my message and living my life to make a difference in the world.
2.What advise would you give someone that is struggling with communication in a relationship?
A. We have to learn how to communicate. It doesn't come natural. I listened to teachings about communication and implemented what I learned. For that reason I created the Real Love University (TonyGaskins.com/reallove)
3.Why do you feel women especially in the black community can not get all along?
A. I believe blacks in general struggle getting alone and that is much deeper than we care to understand. I believe it stems back to slavery and the oppression of blacks in America. There was a hidden agenda to destroy the race and I believe it worked to a great degree and it's still working today because the generational curses have been passed down.
4.How far do you take your love in a relationship that have a lot of hurt in it? When do you know its time to walk away?
A. I don't recommend giving more than three chances when it comes to things that are worth breaking up over. I say three just to be considerate of the weak-hearted, but personally I wouldn't allow my partner to cheat or beat on me more than once.
5.Do you believe that a person can be in your life because the Lord place them there to prepare you for your Ruth or Boaz?
A. Believing in God means anything is possible, but I don't believe God is as active in our love lives as we would like to think. The reason He isn't is because we aren't close enough to God to have His hand in our relationship. In the event that God is ordering your steps, He isn't the author of confusion so He wouldn't introduce you to pain and temptation to prepare you for real love. That's not how God operates. The test that almost breaks us is a distraction sent by the enemy.
6. Is it in a person nature to cheat on his or her significant other? or is it something that they just do?
A. The sexual urge is in our nature. The reasoning not to cheat is what has to be developed in a person. Depending on how a person views themselves, their partner, and relationships will determine if he/she feels cheating is truly wrong. Scientists say cheating is normal and its in our genetic makeup and that we weren't created to be with one person. Personally, I'm faithful because in my Christian Faith it is a sin to commit adultery.
7.Is it possible to marry someone you are not in love with? If so why? Wouldn't it lead to unhappy marriage down the line?
A. Yes, it's possible and it happens everyday. It increases your chances of a divorce but it doesn't guarantee that your relationship will fail. I got married at 23 and I'm still married at 32. I didn't fully understand love nor was I in love when I married my wife. I married her because I no longer wanted to live against Gods will by fornicating. Therefore, I believe God granted me the strength to be faithful and those efforts aided my love for my wife and helped me fall in love. After we made it past the first 2-3 years I could no longer see divorce as an option. I grew into love, after getting married.
8.What can he or she do to keep the marriage or relationship going in the right direction?
A. You have to work daily. You have to do or say something daily to let your partner know that you truly love them. You have to critique yourself daily and make sure you are working on your bad habits. You have to seek improvement everyday.
9.Why is letting go so hard?
A. We aren't created to be alone. That fact alone makes it hard to let go. We fear being alone. We fear not being able to find real love. We fear not being able to heal from the pain. Not wanting to let go is natural. That doesn't mean you should stay, but it means that you shouldn't feel bad about the feelings of wanting to stay. You just have to leave in spite of the feelings.
10 What is too soon to introduce your children to your new relationship?
A. Anything under 1 year is too soon. You need at least a year of getting to know someone to know that it's real.
11.Why do you feel that we lack self-love?
A. There are many reasons that go into it but it starts at home as a child. If you weren't affirmed as a person then you'll lack self-love. Lacking self-love then leads us into toxic relationships. The toxic relationships then reinforce our lack of self-love and we grow to hate ourselves even more. The trickle-down-effect takes over and it's very hard to reverse once we've gone down the path of self-hate.
"Real love may only comes once, so if you have a good person in your life don't let go" @Tony Gaskins
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